*Wise Counsel* *For person who is viewing pornography* * Evaluate how honest the person is being with himself and you. * Repentance is a crucial spiritual component in the healing of sexual sin. * You may wish to investigate with the person David’s confession of sin in Psalm 51. * Determine how willing the person is to take steps to change. Honest confession and repentance are pivotal to begin the process of change. * It is important to identify the triggers that are involved in tempting the person. * Some narrow down most of the moods associated with triggers with a simple acronym: *HALT, which stands for:* * Hungry * Angry * Lonely * Tired * Provide hope that the client will be able to realize victory over this. * Let the person know that there will be times of temptation and possible setbacks, yet God is faithful to forgive and restore. * Assure the person of your continued support through this process. * Instruct the person to structure a system of accountability through the help of a trusted friend. *Action Steps* *For the person who is viewing pornography* 1. Flee Temptation * Help the person identify all the locations and activities that provide temptation. * Avoid bookstores that sell pornographic magazines. * Only use the computer when someone else is in the room. * Purchase software that blocks access to undesirable Internet sites. 2.Identify emotional triggers * Are there work associates, times of the day, or particular stressful situations that trigger the temptation? * Identify which part of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) is the person’s strongest trigger. * Encourage the person to take specific steps to minimize the triggers. 3. see it as sin * It is important that the person see the behavior as sin and no longer justify it. * Discuss how God views his sin, the nature of forgiveness, and God’s unconditional love. Evaluate with the client how he sees himself in relationship to how God sees him. 4. Refocus on Christ * Help the person develop a plan to strengthen and deepen his relationship with Jesus Christ. * Make him accountable for daily Scripture reading and prayer. * Encourage memorization of Scripture so that he can bring “every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). 5. Get support and accountability Promote involvement in a local Christian ministry that supports men who are experiencing this struggle. 6. Check in on the marriage Evaluate his relationship with his spouse (if married) and provide an invitation to meet with both to explore the affects of this behavior on their relationship and to find healing for wounds. 7. Refer * Pornography use can cause long-term problems. * If this has been a long-standing pattern with a high degree of involvement, it is important to enlist the support of professional trained in the arena of sexual addiction and/or a local Twelve Step Group. *For the spouse seeking counsel* If the husband will not come in and talk with you, or if the wife doesn’t want him to know about her conversation with you, then you will need to simply offer encouragement to the wife. 1. Watch for triggers * The wife can identify the locations and activities that provide temptation. * She can help her husband avoid bookstores that sell pornographic magazines(for example, don’t send him late at night to the local 7-Eleven on an errand). * Move the computer out of isolation. If her husband is willing to be helped, he should go along with this. If not, she can explain that she doesn’t want the kids to be finding pornography. * Purchase software that blocks the access to undesirable Internet sites. 2. Identify emotional triggers * Does she sense that there are work associates, times of the day, or particular stressful situations that trigger the temptation? What can she do to help? * Which part of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) is the strongest trigger? What can she do to offset those? * If her husband is willing to be helped, she can talk to him about these triggers and how she can be his ally in minimizing them. 3. Continue to Love him/her * Nagging, anger, or humiliation will not work. Continue to love your husband. It will be difficult because you will feel “cheated on,” but ask God to help you choose to love him through this. * Let him know that you want him back from the darkness and you want your marriage unhindered by these “other women.” * Tell him how you feel when he views pornography. * Ask him if he wants his children similarly enslaved when they are older. * Explain to him that eventually it will not satisfy and he will need more, other types, or will be led into an affair. 4. Pray * Pray that your husband will be sickened by what he sees and will choose to turn away. * Let God go to work in your husband’s life. 5. Encourage support * Encourage him to join a support group or men’s Bible study that will provide accountability. * Do whatever it takes to free him up to attend such a group.